The Attachment Parenting Book by William and Martha Sears - A Review

I’m converted. With my younger children, I read volumes from Dr Spock and T. Berry Brazelton. With my two younger children, I had developed my own parenting style and the confidence to handle criticism; so I didn’t bother purchasing the latest parenting guides. I missed out on this gem as a result. This book is a road map for the style that I had instinctually adopted as a parent. I especially enjoyed the Beware of Baby Trainers; the best advice going.

But what is attachment parenting? The Sears describe it well in the opening of this tome:

Above all, attachment parenting (AP)means opening your mind and heart to the individual needs of your baby and letting your knowledge of your child be your guide to making on-the-spot decisions about what works best for both of you. In a nutshell, AP is learning to read the cues of your baby and responding appropriately to those cues.

This book outlines what it calls the 7 tools of attachment parenting: birth bonding, breastfeeding, baby-wearing, bed sharing, belief in baby’s cries, beware of baby trainers and balance/boundaries. In further chapter, the Sears expound upon each of these as well as exploring how to make them work for you and your child in your unique situation.

The book is well-written and provides a good balance between the scientific research and the anecdotal. It uses text boxes effectively to highlight key issues. The only thing I did not like about it was the justification of bottle-feeding. If breastfeeding is one of 7 tools, then why the need to justify the alternative? They mention at the beginning that these are 7 tools, not 7 steps; that you don’t have to use them all to be a successful attachment parent. I didn’t use the baby slinging because I found it too difficult, but I still consider myself as AP. They did not spend several pages in the slinging chapter, justifying why you can still be a good parent if you don’t. Why then the need to write so much about bottle-feeding?

The most significant and surprising thing that I learned from this book was that despite the apparent differences in style my husband and I both practice attachment parenting just differently. As the mother, I have utilized most of the tools and clearly identify with the book, but I always saw my husband as more of a disciplinarian type. As I read the book though, I saw that his style though different was equally AP. The way he often slept with Emily on his bare chest when she was little and even now at three. The way that when she cries he firmly holds her and tells her to calm down. The instinctive way he follows her cues whenever possible but draws the line when as they say in the book…if you resent it, change it. It was very enlightening to realize that she was receiving the same basic message from both of us, just a bit differently.

This is one of the top resources on the topic and well deserves that reputation. I recommend this book to many of my clients. Does it work? The results with my older children indicate that it must…all are responsible and contributing adults. Despite my failings and flaws.

The Attachment Parenting Book by William and Martha Sears - A Review